


Love is Thicker than Blood: or Three Times Sirius’ Chose his Family and One Time he Didn't

by bookspark



Series: Marauder Character Studies [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angsty near the end, Character Study, Gen, James and Sirius Brotp, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 20:04:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookspark/pseuds/bookspark
Summary: Character study for Sirius Black. One time Sirius hated his family and three time he didn't.





	Love is Thicker than Blood: or Three Times Sirius’ Chose his Family and One Time he Didn't

Sirius was almost twelve and scared to go to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the shocked and angry expressions of his family that evening. The Gryffindor table was placed perfectly to watch the Slytherins across the hall. Maybe he’d start sitting with his back to them... Sirius sighed and closed his eyes. Snapping them open he decided it was no use. Each time he tried to sleep he saw his mother’s face; livid and haughty in turn. 

He firmly expected a letter when the mail came in the morning. No howler, mustn’t draw any more attention to the embarrassment that the Black heir had brought on the family. _Oh no, we can’t embarrass the family._ Sirius thought to himself and rolled his eyes. He could see the letter now; mother screaming about dishonoring the family, embarrassing the name, and being a bigger disappointment than she could have imagined. Wanting him to stick close to his family and warning him not to get too friendly with his housemates (he snorted at this, the Potter kid had already firmly inserted himself, and that Lupin kid with all the scars looked far too interesting to be left alone).

Sirius shifted and rolled over. Maybe a new position would help. Keeping his eyes open, Sirius took a deep breath in for a count of three and then slowly let it out for a count of three. He repeated it again and again, feeling his heartbeat slow. It was a trick his cousin Andromeda had shown Reg ages ago, at a big party for the Sacred Twenty-Eight families. He was feeling a little sleepy now that his heart wasn’t trying to beat out of his chest. There was a soft pat pat of bare feet and suddenly moonlight streamed into his bed and backlit a messy head of hair. 

“Budge over,” James said and crawled onto the foot of Sirius’ bed. “It’s weird isn’t it? It sounds so different from home.”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, putting his head on his folded knees. He thought of the yells and arguing between his mother and father, and the way Reg would crawl into his bed... “S’different for sure.”

“So...” James said and picked at the red blanket under him. “You okay?”

“‘Course I am,” Sirius said automatically. “...why?” He’d spent far too many gatherings teasing and being teased by his cousins to trust a question like that. 

“Cause it’s midnight and you’re still up. Plus, you’re a Black... in Gryffindor,” James said, looking up at Sirius for the last bit.

“Don’t remind me,” Sirius groaned and hid his face on his knees. “My mother’s going to kill me...”

“Really?”

“Well, no... I’m the heir,” Sirius said slowly. “I don’t think she would until we know where Reg’s sorted.”

James looked at Sirius with wide eyes. “I- I was joking mate.”

“Oh,” Sirius said and shrugged. “Well yeah, I was too.” James gave Sirius a look that came too close for comfort. “So why are you still awake then?”

“Told you, sounds funny,” James said, looking around. “It’s all whooshy and stuff. We’re so high we can’t hear the bugs and birds and stuff,” James finished and shrugged. 

“Oh. Yeah I guess.”

“And I had to pee.”

Sirius’ surprised laughter sounded like a bark and he immediately hunched his shoulders, expecting someone to yell to be quiet. When no one did, he looked to James, a wide smile on his face. 

“What it’s true! Too much pumpkin juice at dinner,” James said and chucked. “So, who's Reg?” James asked, going back to playing with the comforter.

“My brother,” Sirius says. "Well, I hope he's still my brother. We'll see if I've been disowned in the morning.”

James smiled and nudged Sirius with his foot. "Well, if you need a new brother, I don't have any.”

Sirius smiled at James from behind the hair that'd fallen in front of his face. “Yeah? I could use some more sane people in my family... Though on second thought, you might not fit that criteria."

“Oi!” James said, laughing. After a few seconds, when they'd both calmed down, James looked at Sirius. “You sure you're okay?”

Sirius looked at James, who'd come to check on him and make him laugh, and nodded. “I think I will be.”

˜˜

Sirius had just turned twenty and the only brother that mattered wanted to meet him. James had just come back from a mission and sent Sirius a note saying he needed to talk. Sirius wasn't sure why their two way mirror isn't good enough, or what's so important they can't fire-call. _Maybe he's noticed Remus being weird too_ , Sirius thought to himself. 

Pulling his jacket on, Sirius growled at himself. _No. It’s just the stress of the war on top of everything else._ Sirius told himself uselessly, it’s the same old argument over and over. Maybe today he'll tell James his worries, even if he has nothing solid to point them on. He's just so worried and paranoid lately. And with James and Lily's recent brush with Bellatrix and other high up Death Eaters...

"But first, I gotta find out what James want to talk about,” Sirius said and turned, Apparating to James's flat. 

"Sirius!!” James called out and hugged him almost before Sirius is in the flat. 

"James?” Sirius asked, confused. James was happy, which didn't match the worry and stress Sirius experienced when he got the note. "What’s going on, mate?”

James leaves his hands one Sirius’ shoulder but pulls away to look him. "Sirius, my friend, my brother...”

"James, mate, are you okay?” Sirius asked, still worried. There wasn't a lot going on right now that caused laughter. Unless it was shock. Sirius went through the symptoms of shock in his head, trying to remember them all. “James are you dizzy? Did you get hit with a confundus?” James wasn't pale or sweaty, Sirius realized and calmed down slightly. “Where's Lily?”

“Lily's in the bedroom, you're the first persons we called... You're so good at healing magic- and besides we want to ask you-“

"Healing magic?” Sirius interrupted, worry again lacing through him. Not Lily... “What's the matter, is Lils okay?”

“Okay? She's- she's... well you see-“ James started, before Lily interrupted from the bedroom.

"Sirius, would you and my goof of a husband just get in here?” she called from the bedroom.

Sirius pulled himself out of James’ hold and walked into the bedroom. "Lils if you're starkers I may have to boil my eyes...”

"Shut up, Sirius, you've seen me practically naked before,” Lily said as Sirius rounded the doorway. She was in her robe and sitting on the bed, seemingly fine. “I'm..fine. I just wanted you to check something. I did the spell myself, but I'd like a second opinion. And since you're so good with Healing charms, James thought... And well, since you two are brothers anyway...” 

As Lily's scattered commentary faded off, Sirius looked from James’ excited face to Lily’s slightly worried one and it clicked. “Oh, oh Lils, are you really?”

Lily rolled her eyes and looked at James. “Told you he'd guess,” she said and turned back to Sirius. “And I dunno, maybe? I wanted you to do the spell too, just in case I did it wrong. Would you?”

Sirius took a deep breath and nodded. Making sure he had a firm grip on his wand, Sirius made the motion and cast the pregnancy spell. The tip of Sirius’ wand glowed blue, and he looked back up at Lily. “Positive, Lily,” he said softly.

“I KNEW IT!” James screamed and punched the air. “Yes, we’re gonna go flying, and play quidditch, and have adventures-“ 

“James-“

“And were going to go swimming, and watch those Muggle things... moviers? And-“

“James!” Lily shouted, finally getting his attention. “Didn’t you have something you wanted to ask Sirius?”

“Oh, er...” James said, and then sat down on the bed. “Yeah. Er- Sirius, mate, you know you’re my brother, right?”

All the sudden happiness that had flooded him when the spell had read positive drained away. “Yeah James, I know,” Sirius said. Needing to do something with his nervous energy, he pulled the hair tie off his wrist and pulled his hair back. “James you’re scaring me, what’s up?”

“Sorry! No,” James laughed and ran his hand through his hair. “Sirius... Lily and I wanted to know if you’d be the baby’s godfather?”

“Godfather?” Sirius asked, feeling like the wind was knocked out of him. “But-“

“Sirius,” Lily said and took a hold of Sirius’ hand. “Sirius, you’re James brother and have welcomed me into the family the four of you made in school. I know we had some issues at first-“

Sirius laughed, “I was jealous.”

“I know,” Lily said and smiled. “I was too. But we’re long past that. You’re family. We love and trust you. Please say yes.”

 _Family_. The word, the feeling, had haunted Sirius for years. First his biological family had turned him out with their hatred and bigotry, and now his found family, his chosen family... No they weren’t falling apart. _It’s just the stress of the war..._ he told himself. Maybe this, maybe a little baby would pull them back together, heal things...

“Of course I’ll be the godfather...” Sirius days, still stunned but sure he would do whatever he had to in order to protect the new addition to his family. 

~ ~

Sirius was just days away from twenty two and looking at the destruction of everything he held dear. “ _Peter_...” he growled and punched his leg. “That- that little RAT!”

Sirius concentrated on landing and parking the motorbike, instead of on the destruction the rising sun was illuminating. Once parked, the sat for a moment, seeing the sweet house that was no more. It almost looked like someone had cast an incendio in the top bedroom, Harry’s bedroom...

“Harry?!” Sirius called, practically flying off the motorbike as he ran towards the house. “Oh you damn rat, what did you do? Harry!”

“Sirius?”

Sirius jumped and turned towards the voice, wand out. It was coming from the shadowed from door. “ _Lumos_ , who’s there?”

“It’s Hagrid, Sirius,” said the large form that detached itself from the shadows a bit. “What-what are you doing here?”

“What are _you_ doing here? Hagrid, is Harry okay? James and Lily? They- He came didn’t he??”

“Dumbledore felt the charm break,” Hagrid and Sirius saw something move in the big man’s arms. “He sent me to get Harry and-“

“Harry? Harry!” Sirius said and rushed forward, sticking his want away. “Hagrid I’m his godfather! Give him to me!”

Hagrid turned, moving the now squirming toddler out of Sirius’ reach. Harry was calling “Pads! Pads!” Each call of his name by Harry pulled at his heart. So many things were wrong and he could see tears racks down the dust and dirt on little Harry’s face. 

“Hagrid,” Sirius said, and suddenly his wand was back in his hand. “Give me Harry. He needs his family. Rem- I’m all he has left.”

“I’m to take him to Lily’s sister, in-“

“What?!” Sirius shouted. “She’s a Muggle! She’ll have no idea how to raise him! Why would Dumbledore do that?”

“I don’t question my orders Sirius,” Hagrid said and pulled himself up, towering over Sirius. “And neither should you.”

“Orders?! I don’t have any!” Sirius said, annoyed. Harry was still reaching for him, calling his name. Sirius felt his grip on his wand tighten and he got ready to raise it. “My only job is to keep Harry safe, Hagrid. _Stupify_.”

Hagrid took the spell straight to the head. He blinked and shook his head, looking at Sirius sadly. “What was that supposed to do, Sirius? And what would you have done if it’d worked? Where would you take Harry?”

“Pads!”

“I don’t know! But somewhere safe and not with Muggles!” Sirius felt the anger leave his body, there was nothing he could do. Hagrid’s giant blood kept him safe from the majority of battle spells, and he was far too strong for Sirius to try and fight. “Please... he’s my family... all- all I have left...” Sirius took a deep breath. James and Lily were _gone_.

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” Hagrid said. He shifted his grip on Harry and took a step towards Sirius. “Would- would you like to say goodbye?”

Sirius looked sharply at Hagrid, surprised. “Yes, thank you,” he said and reached for the toddler. Maybe if he got a hold of him, he could Dissapparate...

Hagrid closed the distance, but didn’t give Sirius the child. Sirius looked up at Hagrid and knew the other man had known the brief thought that’d he’d entertained. Sirius held Harry’s little hands and noticed how cold the little one was. “Hagrid, wait, let me get his blanket for him? He’s so cold and it’s a long trip.” 

“Alright,” Hagrid said and nodded at Sirius.

Sirius walked through the sunlight, bright and warm for the first of November. He stopped at the front door, shocked at how normal and unharmed it seemed. Sirius placed his hand on the door; he didn’t think he was really ready to see their bodies. He took a step back and instead looked up at the destruction that had been Harry’s room. “Accio Harry’s blanky!” After a second, a purple and green blanket floated over the broken wall and down to Sirius’ outstretched hands. Green with purple stars, it’d been the blanket they’d wrapped little Harry in after Lily had given birth. Sirius shook it out, shaking the dust off, and headed back to Hagrid. 

“Blank!” Harry shouted and Sirius wrapped it around the toddler as best he could. He took Harry’s little hand again, and kissed the top of his messy black hair. 

“I love you, Prongslet,” Sirius whispered, blinking away the tears he felt coming. “I’ll come for you, promise.”

Sirius stepped away, looking at the blue sky for a second. “Hagrid, how are you getting there?” 

“Floo, I suppose,” he said with a shrug. “Dumbledore didn’t give me any specific instructions on that.”

Sirius shook his head. “Floo won’t work here, we never connected it. And it’s dangerous to Floo with little ones, Hagrid...” Sirius said and looked back around them. Bathilda might have a working one, but it still wasn’t safe. Especially since Peter knew about Lily’s sister. “Take- I know it’s not much safer, but the Death Eaters wouldn’t expect it. Take my bike, Hagrid.”

“Your bike? But Sirius-“

“Take it Hagrid,” Sirius said and tossed the keys. “I’m not going to need it anymore.” Sirius Apparated away before Hagrid even caught the keys. 

~ ~ 

Sirius felt far too old to only be 36. His knees and back hurt as he knelt down on the floor of his mother's old room, trying to take care of Buckbeak. Somehow the bird brain had gotten stuck and gouged his back leg open. "What are you talking about, Snape?” Sirius asked, still confused about why he was being checked on by someone who detested him. “I'm fine,” he told the silver dog and with a wave of his wand sent the patronus to Snape. Grumbling about oily gits with big noses, Sirius returned to trying to calm Buckbeak and bandage the gash.

Some time later, having given up on trying to patch up the hippogriff, Sirius was downstairs with a few members of the Order when the silver doe again landed. Sirius held back the gagging feeling he always felt when he saw Snape's patronus. _Always been obsessed with Lily..._ he thought to himself, not really paying attention to the message the doe was delivering. And then he heard Harry's name.

“-hasn't returned from the Forest yet. Apparently he, Granger, and Dolores went there almost an hour ago. I'm concerned he still thinks Sirius is being held by the Dark Lord at the Ministry.” 

Sirius looked at Remus and he started to stand, but at Remus’ stiff head shake he reluctantly sat back down and continued to listen. 

“-needs to go to the Ministry. Sirius can stay at Headquarters, Dumbledore should be there soon and needs to know what’s happened. I plan on searching the Forest for Potter and the others. Let me know who's able to go to the Ministry.”

“I'm not staying here!” Sirius said the minute the doe started to fade. "There's no way, Harry's in danger!"

“Sirius,” Remus said, looking at him sternly. "Someone has to stay here to tell Dumbledore what's going on. And you're a wanted criminal, you _can't_ be caught.”

“I don't care about that!” Sirius said, standing up so fast his chair fell over. “This is Harry, Rem, James’ son!”

“Yes,” Remus said, standing as well, although with much more restraint. “Imagine what it would do to Harry if you're caught. It would wreck him.” Remus left the rest of his sentence unsaid, but Sirius had been with the other man long enough to hear it loud and clear. _It would wreck me._

“I don't plan on getting caught-“ Sirius started only to be interrupted by Moody.

“As lovely as this little lover's spat is, we need to get going,” Moody's gruff voice interrupted. 

Sirius looked around and saw that Tonks, Kingsley, and Moody were already up and by the fireplace. As he watched, Remus pulled on his own thin cloak and walked over to them. 

“Shacklebolt already let Snape know we got the message and are going to head that way,” Moody glared at Sirius as he reached for the floo powder. “Black, you're needed here. Dumbledore must be told. The Ministry of Magic!” With a whoosh and a burst of green, Moody was gone. 

Kingsley and then Tonks left, leaving Remus alone with Sirius. "Sirius, I know you want to go. But, please love, stay,” and then Remus left him as well.

Sirius ran a hand through his long hair and started pacing. Harry was in danger, but they were right, someone needed to tell Dumbledore. "Maybe a note?” Sirius said to himself and then shook his head. This was too sensitive and complicated to be left in a note. 

Back and forth, back and forth, Sirius went. Harry was in trouble, tricked by Voldemort, trying to rescue Sirius. Back and forth, back and forth. Harry was family, trying to save the last piece of family the boy had left. A vision of Harry in Hagrid's arms come to mind and the promise Sirius had made. “I'll come for you,” Sirius said softly. He had to go help Harry, just like the boy was trying to do for him. "Damn it!” Sirius shouted, turning he punched the wall. 

Something moving out of the corner of his eye made Sirius turn, wand out. "Kreacher!” Sirius called when he saw the house elf. "Perfect. Kreacher, when Dumbledore gets here, tell him that Harry thinks I'm being held at the Ministry. Tell him Tonks, Moody, Kingsley, Remus and I have gone to find him.”

The message passed on, Sirius rushed to the fireplace, grabbing a handful of floo powder on his way. "Ministry of Magic!” he called out, green fire wrapping around him as he spun off. _I'm coming, Harry._


End file.
